Freedom

I remembered those moments were like yesterday. We used to talk a lot and now we don't. And not because we hate each other but it's because the longer it took for us to interact with each other, the more awkward it seems even when we try to talk to each other NOW. How funny.....

It was like yesterday. 

Going through pictures and organizing and compiling them in my social media account and found some really cool post from the past that I would never thought that actually happened to me before. 

So I talked about it. I had a chat with bf and we talked about bullies and being strong and tough. Literally everything. I'm pretty sentimental and emotional so I cried a little yesterday, I care about little things, and I end up losing confidence in basically everything. I have developed the feelings of both hate and fear of taking selfie of myself, being selectively social at the point which I'm very open to only people that I'm really, really close to but secured myself entirely when I'm with others, I don't have confidence in me, myself as I tend to be over-concern about how I look or how I dress, how I am to others. I used to want to please people but now I'm just lazy to think about it, and lately I'm just like 'whatever'; 'who cares', 'oh yeah, I'm fat...here's my belly'. The worst is that............I've shutting down myself from meeting outside world; I just want to stay home, I want to protect the house, I can't keep going out, I don't wanna spent so much from my parents, my dad needs to be healthy, my sis needs to be protected. 

What my mind going through right now are all these thoughts. 

To define 'freedom' is tough, and not to mention that embracing the inner freedom in me......well, is that even possible? We'll see.

Friend in need is a friend indeed

Every single bit of college life is really amazing and unforgettable.

Considering the fact that everyone here is amazingly friendly, not self-centered, very considerate and understandable.

I am proud to call myself an INTIAN! 

Though there are hard times whereby between the hardship of a person to another, there are not always perfect moment and can sometimes be very disturbing but still its somewhat part of a very beautiful memories to be remembered.

I love every bit of it. I love going classes, even though there are some difficulties in studies (but that's pretty minor part of  it), every one of them are very passionate and always be part of doing things together enthusiastically.

Here are some pictures to help refresh my mind once again before more and more are flooding in:  

Leann Birthday! Everyone gone crazy 

Before presentation and role play. And also its a Mid-Autumn Festival.  

Our first ever class trip to Malacca, around almost 20 of us went up there.

Guys.......and girls, it was nice meeting all of you. You all are very nice and caring and took really good care of me as sister.I love every one of you~ :)

My favourite men

Two of my most important man in my life
my DAD and my man- CT

I couldn't bear seeing or knowing them getting hurt, definitely not witnessing it.
I kind of understand how a person felt after losing their family members at young age. Specially for those whom had memories with them are still fresh in mind.
There was one day my dad came back late at 4.30a.m and I actually stayed up late just to wait for him. As for those who doesn't really understand how I felt right now, well....I cried despite waiting for the late-at-home dad. It really kills me inside when I had those unwanted and selfish images running through my brain of what could have happen to my dad, I really need to see a psychologist *touchwood I couldn't even bear to talk about it more now.
I don't know if it was a type of sickness, but whenever I had the sudden urge to wake up and think a lot and at times like this, my mind just wouldn't stop worrying anything at all. EVEN IF ITS A VERY VERY SMALL ISSUE!

My dad had some issue with his health. To be honest, he smokes. I had to confess about it as I couldn't bear to hold it to myself. I was over-worry and I should be. He had his business well taken care of many years ago after he decided to work by himself and alone, and after all these years of doing purchasing business, he suffered from leg pain issue, sudden swollen on his ankle, and I had to witness him having trouble standing up all by himself with his hand wrapped with bandages and band aid on his back. It hurts me so bad. Sometimes I could tell that, he still wants to be the man of the house. But I just want to protect him so badly.

I was finally able to build up some courage to tell him to just stop smoking. Oh well, seems nothing changed at all. He doesn't want to seek doctor but to keep intake some medication from the pharmacy. I was mad but I couldn't and wouldn't curse or blame him at all, he needed the care and love from all of us.

Sometimes my mom would question things like the reason for why do I always sided on him and always worry about him more than her, but if I were to ask myself, I treat everyone equally, just that my dad is a very difficult person. From outside, he is a warm heart-ed father, heck funny person as his sense of humor was just beyond amazing, people would often listen to his jokes all the time, but when he is home he would be just sometimes grumpy, sometimes treat me and my sis like his baby girls with his fatherly tone and sometimes became very manly by taking a huge responsibility up to his both shoulders of taking care every bits and pieces of the house.

I'm starting to be the "girl of the house" now. I have been controlling around a lot, most likely enjoyed having everything well taken care that feeling, sometimes being bossy, I just want my dad to have a good rest and be healthy like other father. I'll be good, daddy. I love ya.
Hate my tears falling again.
What can I say, it must be some daughter syndrome.

Beautiful Sunday

Picture credits: 

Ng C.T

A guy that filled my life with wonders.

Thanks for noticing me for past 5 years and hopefully still counting. It wasn't easy for me to accept myself as who I am and the confidence in me and also the thought that I actually can be loved by someone; though it's been 5 years already but I've only....like NOW ONLY realized that I'm special in someone's eye despite being just loved by my family (of course).

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I specially love this shot of myself. Thank you.

New me. New Blog

Starting from the bottom wasn't easy, especially blogging.
The title speaks for itself for the rest of the explanation left.
Anyway. I'm gonna start doing vlog or blog in whichever way you would love to call it. I realized life is too short to not have every bits and pieces to be marked down.

First thing first.......
1) I may type more than I record
2) I may not be active than being more active cause.....if you think that having more freedom is when you have officially became a college student; oh well, you've just been so wrong in your life. (okay, maybe not)
3) Well, TBH i have not record a video and putting them together before, like NEVER! So this is a first.

Without being said, please enjoy the upcoming posts.

XOXO <3