My favourite men

Two of my most important man in my life
my DAD and my man- CT

I couldn't bear seeing or knowing them getting hurt, definitely not witnessing it.
I kind of understand how a person felt after losing their family members at young age. Specially for those whom had memories with them are still fresh in mind.
There was one day my dad came back late at 4.30a.m and I actually stayed up late just to wait for him. As for those who doesn't really understand how I felt right now, well....I cried despite waiting for the late-at-home dad. It really kills me inside when I had those unwanted and selfish images running through my brain of what could have happen to my dad, I really need to see a psychologist *touchwood I couldn't even bear to talk about it more now.
I don't know if it was a type of sickness, but whenever I had the sudden urge to wake up and think a lot and at times like this, my mind just wouldn't stop worrying anything at all. EVEN IF ITS A VERY VERY SMALL ISSUE!

My dad had some issue with his health. To be honest, he smokes. I had to confess about it as I couldn't bear to hold it to myself. I was over-worry and I should be. He had his business well taken care of many years ago after he decided to work by himself and alone, and after all these years of doing purchasing business, he suffered from leg pain issue, sudden swollen on his ankle, and I had to witness him having trouble standing up all by himself with his hand wrapped with bandages and band aid on his back. It hurts me so bad. Sometimes I could tell that, he still wants to be the man of the house. But I just want to protect him so badly.

I was finally able to build up some courage to tell him to just stop smoking. Oh well, seems nothing changed at all. He doesn't want to seek doctor but to keep intake some medication from the pharmacy. I was mad but I couldn't and wouldn't curse or blame him at all, he needed the care and love from all of us.

Sometimes my mom would question things like the reason for why do I always sided on him and always worry about him more than her, but if I were to ask myself, I treat everyone equally, just that my dad is a very difficult person. From outside, he is a warm heart-ed father, heck funny person as his sense of humor was just beyond amazing, people would often listen to his jokes all the time, but when he is home he would be just sometimes grumpy, sometimes treat me and my sis like his baby girls with his fatherly tone and sometimes became very manly by taking a huge responsibility up to his both shoulders of taking care every bits and pieces of the house.

I'm starting to be the "girl of the house" now. I have been controlling around a lot, most likely enjoyed having everything well taken care that feeling, sometimes being bossy, I just want my dad to have a good rest and be healthy like other father. I'll be good, daddy. I love ya.
Hate my tears falling again.
What can I say, it must be some daughter syndrome.