Freedom

I remembered those moments were like yesterday. We used to talk a lot and now we don't. And not because we hate each other but it's because the longer it took for us to interact with each other, the more awkward it seems even when we try to talk to each other NOW. How funny.....

It was like yesterday. 

Going through pictures and organizing and compiling them in my social media account and found some really cool post from the past that I would never thought that actually happened to me before. 

So I talked about it. I had a chat with bf and we talked about bullies and being strong and tough. Literally everything. I'm pretty sentimental and emotional so I cried a little yesterday, I care about little things, and I end up losing confidence in basically everything. I have developed the feelings of both hate and fear of taking selfie of myself, being selectively social at the point which I'm very open to only people that I'm really, really close to but secured myself entirely when I'm with others, I don't have confidence in me, myself as I tend to be over-concern about how I look or how I dress, how I am to others. I used to want to please people but now I'm just lazy to think about it, and lately I'm just like 'whatever'; 'who cares', 'oh yeah, I'm fat...here's my belly'. The worst is that............I've shutting down myself from meeting outside world; I just want to stay home, I want to protect the house, I can't keep going out, I don't wanna spent so much from my parents, my dad needs to be healthy, my sis needs to be protected. 

What my mind going through right now are all these thoughts. 

To define 'freedom' is tough, and not to mention that embracing the inner freedom in me......well, is that even possible? We'll see.